It had been a long road for Johann. The pain of a broken heart had crept inside his soul far too many times to bear on one’s shoulders, so he broke. He slouched in numb defeat with a paralyzed energy; any sense of life was siphoned from the depths of his being.  Steps heavy as he walked, he willingly trudged through misery as it weighed him down like layered mud under his shoe. He forgot what it meant to hold on. His grip on life perished as his weakened spirit slowed to a threatening pace. Barely beating, barely eating, he was in dire need of nourishment and regeneration. Behind his transparent smile thrived a grim evil.

Save me a Seat in Heaven

Things make me happy.

A new ring.

A sparkly nail polish set.

Candy scented lip gloss.

A clean car.

A decent career path.

Beautiful scenery. 

Things make me happy on the surface, but there's a gaping space that exists in all of us that yearns for more than name brand items and luxurious worldly treats. 

My soul. It needs more than a quick fix. Like a thirsty sponge, it shrivels into dry rubbish when it isn't fed with pure love.

Love. The only truth I've found that permeates all humanity is the love I've found in a God who is all too real to me. The God who saved me from myself. Who guarded my heart and protected my perpetual habits of sabotage and self hatred. 

Gratitude could never suffice. "Thankful" could never explain the heat the emanates from my new beating heart founded in God's grace.

No order of words or superfluous language could arrange a meaning so undeniably perfect to simulate God's goodness. 

So I stop writing. And am left to my thoughts, lifted up to my Savior. 

My Soul Purpose

No matter where I go whether near or far
God follows me like a midnight star
He shines bright and lights my path
Sometimes he loves me with grace, sometimes with wrath
I cherish what he has done for me
Healed me from a life of dreaded disease
Loved me and built me up into a mountain of strength
Founded upon my undying faith

God I pray to you that you will hold me close to you
Be the father I never had and make me anew
Remind me how much I desperately need you
Not a man or a friend, just my belief in truth
Shelter me from these distractions that rap at my door
Take my hand and lead me to what I need more
Push me and challenge me in the areas that need growth
So I can fall on you and lean into your word with an oath

I vow that I'll never look back at that life I had
Before I knew you, simple things and people made me glad
I rejoice in your undying presence and constant drone in my heart
You beat like a drum inside my soul like an art
I yearn for you to reveal yourself even more to me
I know I don't deserve even a moment of clarity
But you're gracious...my King, my Lord, Savior, my mighty lion
I have never seen the world in such pure light, you turned my "off" switch to "on"

My vision is sometimes blurred, mixed with sin and lightly stirred
But I know of something that combats all darkness that lies within just one word

JESUS

Nothing more or nothing less to describe the King in heaven
My everything, my center, my peace, my blessing