He found himself looming near hell on earth as he reached an unequivocal cross road. He wanted to close his eyes and find his way to a distant peace without moving. But stagnancy would only expose helpless dread. On the verge of disintegrating into a forgotten nothing, Johann’s only cure lived in the change that he was blind to. Without the ability to see his only escape, it seemed he was destined for ultimate darkness. But the particles of pain that leeched onto Johann like a blood sucking parasite, instantaneously melted in impotence as a cascading light descended upon his whole entity. Sanctifying his heart, reinventing his faith, resurging his desire like an endless waterfall.

 Johann was saved.

It had been a long road for Johann. The pain of a broken heart had crept inside his soul far too many times to bear on one’s shoulders, so he broke. He slouched in numb defeat with a paralyzed energy; any sense of life was siphoned from the depths of his being.  Steps heavy as he walked, he willingly trudged through misery as it weighed him down like layered mud under his shoe. He forgot what it meant to hold on. His grip on life perished as his weakened spirit slowed to a threatening pace. Barely beating, barely eating, he was in dire need of nourishment and regeneration. Behind his transparent smile thrived a grim evil.

Save me a Seat in Heaven

Things make me happy.

A new ring.

A sparkly nail polish set.

Candy scented lip gloss.

A clean car.

A decent career path.

Beautiful scenery. 

Things make me happy on the surface, but there's a gaping space that exists in all of us that yearns for more than name brand items and luxurious worldly treats. 

My soul. It needs more than a quick fix. Like a thirsty sponge, it shrivels into dry rubbish when it isn't fed with pure love.

Love. The only truth I've found that permeates all humanity is the love I've found in a God who is all too real to me. The God who saved me from myself. Who guarded my heart and protected my perpetual habits of sabotage and self hatred. 

Gratitude could never suffice. "Thankful" could never explain the heat the emanates from my new beating heart founded in God's grace.

No order of words or superfluous language could arrange a meaning so undeniably perfect to simulate God's goodness. 

So I stop writing. And am left to my thoughts, lifted up to my Savior.