nEXt

The littlest things remind me of you
Like a flavor of gum or a type of shoe
We used to laugh about the stupidest things

You gave me your heart when you gave me that ring

Now I'm left with none of you

Just the grieving of what I once thought was true

The dead wishes and promises we both made

The memories of pain and hurt were the first to fade

I just remember the good
How you treated me like a man should
Your smile is seared into my brain
The fire of our love still burns like a flame

I'm consumed by the lies and deceit I've conjured

That our love was forever and could never be blurred

I need to break free from the chains I've locked shut

I want to let go, I want to be free, BUT....

It's always the but that holds me back
"But I truly love him still, that is a fact"
"But he was the best friend I ever had"
"But he really loved me and without him I'm sad"

You should never say never, but I still always say but

I make excuses for my steadfast love, for my deepest rut

And until I can admit to myself and him

That we will never try our love over again

I'll be stuck in this muck of hurtful lust
For the one I loved and thought I could always trust
But it's me who I should invest my trust in
Not a man, not a feeling, not my struggling sin

 

 

I miss you and I hate that we fell apart as abrupt as a drunken car crash

I wish you and I could have made it last

I still grieve and ask God to heal my heart

I wish that our end never had a start